Yesterday,

Thunderstorm
Originally uploaded by elisabethie.

I decided to take Emmett to the mall with my grandmother, my aunt and my mom. We were only supposed to go for about an hour or so, becuase my mom wanted to go into her new favorite store (Christopher & Banks -- the perfect "mom" store).

At 2:00, and after buying Emmett two monster trucks and myself like 5 pairs of H&M pants, I decided Emmett and I needed to leave. It was looking kind of rainy out and Emmett needed to take a nap.

I kissed everyone goodbye and took Emmett out to the parking lot where I thought we were parked (in the middle) and all of the sudden, it started PELTING rain on us. I was too far to "go back" and could not find the car. Within a minute we were both drenched and I was running with a crying Emmett through the parking lot. As I ran, it made him cry harder because the rain was sharp and beating into his stroller.

I found the car and threw the bags in and my ring got stuck and I couldn't get it free. Emmett started balling, like he thought he was going to drown. I got him into the back seat, both of us drenched and changed him into the new shirt my grandmother bought him. He was looking at me like "What was that mom". And then, we sat in the back for about 5 minutes, talking about how hard the rain was coming down and our experience, and we kind of bonded.

I got into the front seat and the sun came out. I opened the windows and called my friend to tell her about what happened. During our conversation, it started raining again, really hard. I glanced back at Emmett a few minutes after the rain to find him looking down at his right arm with a furrowed brow as the rain was gushing in on him from the open window.

In other news, here's something funny to read.

One of my favorite minutes ever

yellow flowers,
originally uploaded by elisabethie.

was yesterday afternoon. Ana was watching Emmett for the morning and I was working.

I heard them come in, but I kept the door closed so I wouldn't be distracted.

All of the sudden, the office door creaked open so slowly and I saw the face of my little boy peering in, Ana holding him up. And with the biggest smile ever, he handed me a boquet of little yellow flowers, just a little bit wilted. He made a little laugh sound as I thanked him and hugged him and he hugged me back -- kind of like he got it.

Announcing my sister's

blog.

The trouble with gossip

Tammy Faye,
originally uploaded by elisabethie.

is that it hurts people.

For a long time, I was critical of Tammy Faye. I mean, it was just understood that she was a phony TV evangelist wife. And I judged her more harshly because she was representing "my group" -- a group I feel embarrassed of and struggle to defend. It was just easier to separate her out of my group, designating my brand of Christianity as different than hers. Becuase I'm not a Jim Baker kind of Christian.

Separating myself from other Christians that I can't relate to (who seem to have one thing in common, incidentally. They're uncool) has helped me stay "ok" with my non-Christian friends. It's allowed them to see me as different than the other Christians. And it's given me a certain license that I don't want to go into right now. The point is, I've spent the past 8 years separating myself in an effort to create my own spiritual identity -- one that's proven to be a great deal easier and very "livable".

Awhile ago, Tammy Faye was on a show called The Surreal Life...a show we watched a few times becuase Mike really likes it. I COULDN'T WAIT to see the one with her on it. I couldn't wait to judge and make fun of and criticize her.

As I write this I am feeling soft enough for tears.

I was so very wrong. It became immediately clear that this she is a gentle woman, a kind woman, a sweet woman and most important, a genuinely loving person that has a beautiful relationship with God. She was patient, humble, accepting and gentle. From gay men (her biggest fans)to housemate Ron Jeremery, she didn't judge. And everyone, and i mean EVERYONE in that house loved and respected her.

I found myself deeply respecting and loving this womann -- seeing right through the layers of make up and realizing what an extreme hypocrite I am. My whole life, I have flocked to the alternative and the different...particularly in the way I looked. And for years and years, I have judged this woman for wearing too much makeup. If a punk rocker has green hair and black smudges around his eyes, that's ok. But Tammy Faye was OBVIOUSLY in it for the money. I mean I could see that just by how she looked.

I'm ashamed of myself.

I love Asriel, but really.

I found this tonight, and as a lactose intolerant person, I'm definitely their demographic.

CATSIP: THE WEIRDEST PRODUCT EVER?

Those geniuses at Lactaid must have been sniffing the fumes at the lactase plant. (Extremely pungent: I've been there.) They've just come out with CatSip, a lactose-free milk for cats!

So what makes it different from regular Lactaid milk? Well, it contains the amino acid, taurine. Cats need it for the health of their hearts and eyes. Its not in ordinary milk.

If you want more info, go to the AkPharma site. (They're the parent company of Lactaid.)

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By the way, I will be back on with an update soon. Right now I am I busy with Mike's mom, who is in town for the week.

What kind of blogger are you?

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read. Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few.

What kind of blogger are you?

Your Life's Song

Your Life's Song
Originally uploaded by elisabethie.

CLICK HERE FOR YOUR SONG

My worst enemy.

tunturi-treadmill-10
Originally uploaded by elisabethie.

And so, the weirdness continues.

Today, while at the gym, it started off GREAT. It was so great, I convinced myself that the runner across from me was picking up the strength of my rhythm. I was listening to this great Soviet song and was running so tightly, I was certain I looked like a "real" work out person -- the kind with several gym outfits.

All of the sudden, my elbow hit the cord and the casette tape was knocked onto the floor with a loud bang. My ear phones flew off my head, fell to tread mill and were "whipped back" to the floor. I jumped off the treadmill, and tried to pick the ear phones up in a "no big deal" kind of way. But low and behold, the cord of teh ear phones went into the tread part of the mill and was stuck inside. I jumped up and pushed the red button and looked to Ana for help. She mouthed "Do I know you", and continued working out.

I was on the floor, butt facing the gym for about 1 minute, struggling to get the cord out. But it was totally stuck.

I actually considered asking for help, but decided it was worth breaking the earphones to not have to be in this terrible position. I yanked as hard as I could, and they came out unscathed.

After that, we did the machines, and I worked on the one that you have to open and close your legs. When I was younger, this machine bothered me becuase I felt it made me feel vulernable and open to jokes. Today, this happened. 2 jokey teens saw me on the machine and started "joking" about my position, and the convenience of it.

And as I told Ana, I literally got this image in my head of an old fashioned movie where a black and white newspaper whirls into a close up position with a headline that "says it all":

Woman punches boy in gym.

I am so weird.

Nadine Hurley from Twin Peaks
Originally uploaded by elisabethie.

And today, I was weirder than ever. At the gym, I was running so cooley on my treadmill...just getting into the beat of my walkman, when all of the sudden, my stiff arm (poised just like a runner's), hit the wire of my walkman, causing it to cover my eye and I almost fell off the treadmill.

I composed myself, trying to not make it too big of a deal, and found myself struggling with the walkman the entire workout. But that was OK.

It was when I got to the market that I started acting like an insane person. I was dropping things, crashing Emmett into things (and people), talking to Ana when she was very far away (like an old lady would), putting laundry detergent on bread etc. etc. The climax was me, walking into the in-store cafe where ana was sitting, and crashing into her table with the "car Cart" that Emmett was in (cart with a kid's car stuck on the front that the kid sits in and steers). The entire place looked at me like I was insane...in my neon pink sweat pants.

Last night, I was even weirder as I went to this hipster show with ana. At first, I was trying to be cool...you know the stance. The looks. Then I realized that I'm older and I should have fun. I went into full on dork mode, fully embarassing a relaxed Ana. Finally, I went into dance mode (alone) and the band kept stopping their songs abruptly.

All this to say, Ana declared that I remind her of one of the weirdest characters in the world.

Nadine.

When we were little

my father used to say we were like the Munsters. And that Ana was like Marilyn. I'm watching the show right now because of that. And I'm wondering why we were allowed to watch this show. We were barely allowed to watch anything.

She's going to run away.

Shes going to run away
Originally uploaded by elisabethie.

I feel so afraid, to this day, of rejection by women. It's the strangest thing for a person as overly confrontation as I am. When it comes to women, I am very scaredn of any kind of conflict.

I'd like to thank my friend, Zoey, that has stuck with me through this and is reteaching me how to be a friend to a girl. Thank you so much.

As in touch with this as I am, I have no coping skills when it comes to conflict with my girlfriends, I do anything I can to avoid discussion. With my male friends, I can say anything. There's nothing that can break the friendship. But with my female friends, as soon as there is a conflict, my immediate reaction is to run -- very fast and far in a "I knew she wasn't a real friend" kind of way.

This weekend, I had a difficult discussion with my friend Zoey and she allowed me to say what I really felt. My voice was literallly shaking and I was breathing heavily, barely even able to say what I felt. And she listened and didn't leave me or yell at me.

She told me the only problem she has with me is that we don't talk about these things, and I was overcome with a strange emotion, that made me feel like weaping. I said to her directly "I'm afraid you're going to reject me" and she said "I'm not going to reject you" and I actually believed her.

I am amazed at this strange problem I have. Although I've known it and referenced it for years, this is the first time I've actually touched it. Thank you Zoey, again, for giving me the benefit of the doubt and promising to stick with me, no matter how badly I mess up.

Brad Pitt

Brad the jerk,
originally uploaded by elisabethie.

is a jerk.

And, of the "Team Aniston"/"Team Jolie" t-shirts, I'm definitely a Team Aniston. But of course, just to ensure my true aliegance to her, I must go see Mr. and Mrs. Smith. This will help me to make sure that I am correct in my assumptions.

There are certain songs

B0002858YS.01.THUMBZZZ,
originally uploaded by elisabethie.

that make me feel euphoric. With these songs, I love driving as fast as I can in the car, and belting out the lyrics. They make me feel like I'm really young, carefree and literally exhillerated. It's one of my favorite feelings ever -- almost compoarable to infatuation. Its something that can be achived for me by nothing else besides love.

Examples of a few:

Killers - Mr.Brightside
Jimmy Eat World - Blister
Fifteen - Petroleum Distillation


And there are so many others. Some are slow. Some are fast.

I'm continuously trying to figure out what it is that makes those song able to bring that out in me. It's like magic.

I'm interested in knowing if anyone else feels this way with certain songs -- and what songs they are.

Cast your vote.

Which layout do you like better for this blog.
This one (the one I currently have) or my old one found here

I'm not a natural

person -- or at least I haven't considered myself to be in my adult life. I am extremely afraid of bugs and don't like getting dirty. I feel bored taking walks etc.

But this weekend, we went on a camping trip and I found myself appreciating nature and the woods. My favorite part was driving around, just looking at small towns and remembering the brief stint of living in my college town-- a small town, and missing that feeling.

There's something really nice about being "stuck" with people. About just accepting different kinds of people for what they are and not having a choice of who to hang out with.

I'm finding myself becoming more attracted to smaller towns, and the idea of Emmett being able to hear birds and go into the woods. I'm starting to feel a little less selfish and wonder if its time to just give in and become Emmett's mom first, and Elisabeth second. That my world would revolve around him instead of around both of us.

Here was the weekend:

4 hour drive to "World's End" Campground, and stuck in traffic for an extra hour. Arrived after 1AM. Stayed up very late (3AM) & got up early due to excited Emmett (9am) and had sluggish morning. We woke everyone else up and no one was mad about it.
Everyone went hiking, Emmett went to bed and I continued reading my Brooke Shields book, which is offering me more therapy than any self-help book ever could. When everyone came back, we had a BBQ (over an open flame) and went in to "town" but there was no town. We stayed up by the campfire and went to sleep.

The next morning, we woke up with an hour to be out of there. We made it and hung out at this general store for like 2.5 hours. We ate breakfast there, went into the pond, hung out on the bench -- I almost bought a t-shirt that said "Forksville General Store" with a picture of sparkley deer on it.

After parting ways with a very tired (and itchy) Colin and Jess, we started driving home but decided to stop at Koenobles (the worlds BEST amusement park) and stayed there for like 4 hours. Emmett went on rides....Ana and Kyle went on the log flume...I went on the Tilt-a-whirl twice, which incidentally is a very satisfying ride.

We drove to Centralia (the town that's on fire) and kind of explored small towns. Then we came home...and that was tough. Emmett was tired and cranky.

I really liked being out there.

Mike and I noticed something.

It seems like people are willing to help people that aren't desperately in need, but that here's a natural resistance to helping people that desperately need help.

For example, when Emmett and I traveled to Florida, it was extremely difficult. I was lugging his car seat, a carryon bag and pushing him in the stroller. By the time I got on the airplane, I was literally sweating. We almost missed the plane. I could barely do it. And only one man helped, and that was in the security checkpoint. People were looking at me critically as I staggered through the airport...but no one helped.

But on the way back, when it was the three of us (and much, much easier), everyone was offering to help. And people were helping...and they were enjoying it.

I've noticed this in myself. That when someone is *desperate* for anything -- friendship, attention, money, (at one time) cigarettes, I don't want to give. It's the people that don't really need it that I want to help.

Along the same lines, I've noticed that when Mike and I have more money (different phases of our careers etc.), we receive more gifts and more "help". People are more apt to treat you to coffee...more inclined to give you gifts...to take you to dinner. It's the weirdest thing. But when Mike and I were poor (about a year ago), there was little giving that came our way. (INTERJECTION: I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT FROM FRIENDS. ONLY RELATIVES). I don't find myself doing this, but I do understand it. I know one woman who's respect is completely tied to income. If it's a rich person's wedding, she'll buy from Williams Sonoma. A poor person, she'll buy from Wal-Mart.

On a lighter note, I've been testing if I have the ability to become an alcoholic. I've been trying to drink as much as possible. My nature does not go this way. As much as I try, I can't force a dependency on it.

What a dangerous experiment.

I'm tired

of complaining and feeling so negative.

I dread moving and rooting.
I want to keep going, and wandering.

You know that book "The Power of Positive Thinking".
I'm starting to wonder if the dark, Philly feeling
I get is becuase of non positive thinking.
I appreciate so little of what I have and feel restless --
continuously.

We showed the movie to our Florida relatives, and guess
who laughed the loudest:

Melissa (30 yr old cousin, very, very wild)
Dusty (29 year old cousin, goodlooking and sarcastic musician and P.A.)
John (59 yr old EX-Uncle (Melissa & Dusty's dad) and James Bond impersonator)
Dina (60 year old Aunt that works out at the gym daily and has a great body)
Yaya (84 year old Grandmother on my father's side who recycles everything)

The answer....

Yaya. She was crying with laughter.
I couldn't believe she "got it".