The word Philoptochos sounds like

a swamp creature to me, but it's not. I can never spell it. I can barely pronounce it. But it's something I'm a part of at church and last night I went to a Philoptochos dinner. Here's what it is:

Philoptochos: whose name means "friend of the poor," is a philanthropic sisterhood. The benevolent works of Philoptochos are a continuation of Christ's earthly ministry. They not only help those who are financially poor, but also those who are in poor spirit, health, and companionship. The Greek Orthodox Ladies Philoptochos Society is the largest philanthropic organization in the United States. The Philoptochos is the duly accredited women's philanthropic arm of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America.

When I say I'm "part of it", I am barely. I've been to one meeting and have paid my dues once. But last night, there was this dinner and I really felt like I should go. I called my mom and asked her to come with me and treated her to it. So we went. And my mom had a great time. And there was something so wonderful for me to see her talking and laughing with these Greek women. And there's something in me that wants to be a part of them; That enjoys being in this community of people that have this rich and robust culture -- and that look like me. That to them, I am beautiful and young and all of these things that I only am to them. They accept me because I'm Greek.

But besides that, I love what this group is doing. I love that I'm part of a culture that has social work built into their religion. This is just one group -- a group that's prominent (but quiet) in church, but is always fund raising and giving. I loved sitting at the dinner with these women as they chatted away about these traditional Greek things, so "into" the culture. I loved feeling normal.

HERE'S WHAT'S HAPPENING:
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1. Knoebels: We're going on a family vacation to Knoebels this weekend. We leave Sunday and return Sunday. My parents are coming up on Wednesday or Thursday and taking the kids. Our friends are coming up on Friday and we're going to have adult time. Right now it's Phil, Colin, Mike, My Mike, Seph, Jess, Colin, Chris and Ana. There may be a few others, but this is the core. I can't wait to go to a place in the middle of nowhere.

2. Wayne's Party: That's this Friday and I can't wait. It's really close and Mike and I can both go. I'm working on finding a babysitter.

3. Work: I'm working for D rex el and am starting to work for C omc ast again. I also have another client, but he's sporatic with his work.

4. Pool: We have a 12 foot pool outside and the summer feels like it's just starting.

5.Living Room Clothing: There are problems, but we are plowing through. Our order of shirts is too small, so we're starting over. In the meantime, we're working with a woman in Bangladesh to start producing there. Our fashion designer is going to meet with us on this.


REVIEWS:
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•The Christening was awesome, beautiful, fun, and ultimately successful. There are photos HERE

•Cirq De Solie was slightly disappointing because it wasn't as good as the last one we saw, but we still had a great time with Meredith and Scott. When they left, Mike and I went to the pub and hung out.

•Emmett's Preschool is over, and all in all I would say that St. John's Nursery School in Philadelphia is the best nursery school I could imagine. Emmett has learned so much this year and Ms. Tannie is a loving, caring woman that's imbeding strong Christian values in him.

UPCOMING:
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• Wayne's Party
•Mermaid Parade (possibility)
•Knoebels
•Ani DiFranco Concert
•Living Room Clothing Photoshoot
•2-Day Work Week (onsite)

Sorry if this is a boring post. There are many deep thoughts I have right now. Some of them aren't right to publish. Others seem trivial to waste a whole entry on them. Plus, sometimes I like to just see what I've done. In addition to writing here, I'm looking for the perfect pair of jeans for my mom and I found these: http://www.tummytuckjeans.com/index.htm

I need to schedule a try on date with her.

I said to Mike last night

when we were talking about leadership and roles, I said "Mike, I know I have a strong personality and it seems like I'm a good leader, but I'm a disaster. I'm a mess. I try my best to disguise it, but I am not together". I married Mike, in part, because he is stable, methodical and mentally clear. I want Mike to lead us but I overpower him with the things I think I want. I just do things, whether they're focused or not. I want to do everything. It's a serious problem because I am constantly jumping, like a child without a sense of fear. And when I'm at the bottom of the slide with a cut on my knee, Mike is always there helping me up.

Last night I went out with two friends, both of whom (I think) will read this at some point. One of them was playing a show and I love the way she plays her instrument. And I even loved the singer she played with, and i had fun going out with them. But near the end, I started to worry. I am sensitive, but talk from my hip when I'm out, and then worry that I said something wrong. I thought I caught something negative -- and I actually addressed it, but I was off. My perception was off. So this morning, I was really thinking about it. What was I picking up on? And I solved it, I think.

In my history, I was a part of three trio friendship circles. I was always the add on to two existing best friends. And in all three cases, I was part of the trio for years, but, in each one, at some point, I was the one that was cut out and not always in a mean way. I just realized that over time, the two stayed close and I was sort of out.

I realized this morning that somewhere along the line, I got over my fear of women and that is totally over. But, I am only realizing today that I'm afraid of a rejection in three. I'm afraid that I will do something wrong or that I will be the one that they talk about. Now granted, my historical trios were all "under 25" and I had my share of wrong doings, but I don't think I realized how much these divides hurt me. When I'm a friend, I'm loyal no matter what.

This whole post is a mess. Reflecting on last night, hanging out with these women that are kind, loving, fun and just hanging out... and I have issues with rejection. I have issues with past hurts, more from women than from men, and so I'm sorry to my girlfriends because I guess I'm still working stuff out that I didn't even know was there. So please forgive my paranoia because, at the time, I think I'm catching an energy. I guess it's really just my own fear.

And my last thoughts about this blog, myself etc. etc. I have to just write it all out. This is who and how I am. There are 5 people that read my blog that know they're in this post, but this is real life and this is what I do with writing. I just try to work it all out, and paramount to that is understanding people and myself in relationships.

Emmett's dream.

Emmett came down this morning and told me he had a dream, that he couldn't remember all of it, but he would tell me what he could remember. It turned out to be two dreams, and being the way I am, I'm trying to analyze them and figure out what he's feeling. Like his father, Emmett keeps things in sometimes.

Dream #1-Alien

Emmett and I were in the house and there was a little alien. We were crawling across the living room, trying to get away from it. Then, Emmett and his friends started to fight the alien. The alien had red circles around it's eyes and was little. Then, the alien said "Good" and Emmett knew that he was saying "I'm good". So they stopped fighting the alien. Then, he turned into a little circle on the floor and Emmett wanted to keep him, but he had to go away. When I asked Emmett where I was, he said I was not there during the fight, I was in the basement. I asked him how he was fighting the alien, he said they were punching it, but he wasn't getting hurt. I asked him about where the alien went and he said well, the alien became a little circle and had to hide when Mommy's friends came over, like in the drawer that holds our cameras and that when someone like Seph came over we would tell him he was good and he would only make a joke and wouldn't hurt him.

Dream #2-Night Ghost

Emmett and Aunt Ana were walking and stopped at a shop (not a store. a shop)because one of Emmett's shoes came off. Then, he and Mike were standing by a circle on the ground (which he feels is a real circle and place in Philadelphia. In the circle was a picture of an Indian with all stuff around it. Emmett knew that in the night ghost's heart, he was going to come up to them, but in the dream he wasn't scared. When he woke up, he was scared.

I asked Emmett to draw pictures of his dream, and the ones I've included are what he drew of the alien. If you look closely, you can see red around the eyes. He can't draw it exactly, but I just said to draw even if you make some parts up.

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So I talked to Emmett and said "Emmett, if we were ever in a movie, like Star Wars, the one that would be fighting would be Mommy, not Emmett. I'm concerned about Emmett feeling like he has to protect himself and protect us. I'm also concerned that he feels he has to hide an alien from MY friends. I'm concerned that my friends play a major part in his life. And, about the ghost dream, if you know me well, you know why I'm concerned about this.