The Chaos is Over.

Baptism

So, the baptism happened. There were a few major "snafus":

1. The room we booked the reception in was changed. The room we ended up in we never actually saw. This was OK because the room we were in was actually nicer than our original room.

2. A glass broke in the punch bowl so they had to get all new champagne punch

3. The sound system didn't work at first, so when we got there, there was about 20 minutes of no sound

4. 8 people didn't show. The Jekogians, Uncle Nick, Sally & Heather, told me they weren't coming, so I switched their table to make up for it at the last minute. (Yael had a baby). But then, Irene & Nick Tantaros didn't come (they said they were bringing their son)...so that was 3. Then Diane's kids (baby's Godmother) didn't show. 8 people all together.

5. The ceremony started 15 minutes late and ended when the reception was supposed to begin.

Even despite those things, it was very very elegant. The food was delicious (particularly the crab cakes). Aarron was an OUTSTANDING DJ and Kyle did a VERY PROFESSIONAL job of taking pictures. We have very good friends.

There was Greek dancing and before the toast,my father prefaced a prayer with a little reflection that brought (literally) tears to my eyes. He said that he's a Grandfather, of course, and he does what he can to entertain Emmett. But, he said, that while he's entertaining him he's noticed that Emmett will suddenly stop what he's doing, look at his mother, that I'll look back at him, and that Emmett's entire face will break into a joy that he couldn't describe. And that the bonding that takes place in the eyes of mother and child is something that cannot be described in words. The assurance and the joy that Emmett experiences, when he looks into my eyes, is something precious. If we could look to God that way, he said, then everything would be OK. Then he prayed. Of course, I was crying.

Prefacing this, the ceremony was beautiful. It started in the back of the church...Diane agreed to renoucning evil and ceremonies were done to renounce any evil. Then Emmett was brought to the front of the church and underwent several things. He was dunked 3 times in the water and he barely cried. He was incredibly good and everyone was whispering about it.

He also looked totally adorable.

All of the ceremony "stuff" was purchased by Diane and it was so, so beautiful. I could hardly believe it. Everything was custom-made and she thought of every detail. From navy edged towels, toys, a hair brush, special soap... Diane did an incredible job.

When we went home, we opened the gifts for Emmett -- mostly money and bonds. We also receieved a few outfits and some videos (from the Garson family).

We had the reception as a gift for Emmett and planned to just absorb the cost. Any gifts he received are going directly into an account we started when he was born. We just figured this was something we would just absorb and we were happy to do so. Then, something great happened. My Yaya Felia gave us $1000 to pay for the Christening and then my parents presented us with a card for $1000.00 to pay (almost) the other half of the Christening. Both were specified that these were gifts to pay for the Christening. I almost didn't know how to accept the gifts. In the end, Mike and I are so happy and blessed!

In any case, I am at peace that this has been done. And I think I'll write down why.

For years I had suffered with an heightened sense of supernatural activity, experienceing fear...seeing spirits...have demonic dreams...on a semi-regular basis. I was unable to be alone in any environment, for fear that something would happen -- that books would fly off shelves or that I would see something. I lived a life of complete fear (literally). For years, I'd "rebuked" these things and had prayed that God would take it away. In 2002, Mike and I came home from LA to visit my parents and I experienced this fear with all the lights on and Mike beside me. I was inconsably scared, feeling the presence of something in the room. He stayed up with me for a long time until I could fall asleep. During this visit, I also had a demonic dream that had me breathless and unable to speak. I woke up with a pounding heart.

I talked to my parents the next day. My mother has a history of this same sensitivity and we had some parallel experiences. -- they both knew and understood that this was very real. My father suggested I go to speak with his Priest. He was careful in his suggestion knowing that I was not really interested in the Orthodox chruch. I did it, expercting nothing.

We sat down with Father Anastasos and at first, he really didn't believe me I think. My mother stepped in and validated my history. I told him briefly about a few of teh things that happened to me and he pretty much believed me. He brought me into the church and preformed some rituals over me. I was swaying back and forth as he did, but I didn't think anything of it. There was nothing to note of it then.

Since that day in October, my entire life changed. I never had the kind of fear I had then. My dreams became more normal and I have seen nothing since.

I was able to receive that counsel because I was baptised as an infant in the Orthodox church. I want my children to have the same protection.

The Orthodox Wedding
This happened as well. It was lovely. I wore a gold brocade dress and had my hair up. Mike wore a gold shirt and gave me golden flowers. It was a lovely ceremony. My father was the sponsor. Mike and I moved our rings to the right side which is tradition for the Orthodox church. We both feel complete about it and are both very glad it has happened.

Afterwards, my parents treated 15 of us to a delicious champagne brunch at the Mendenhall Inn. It was wonderful and I feel so very blessed by them.

We found a car
A 1992 Honda Civic, sage in color, with under 100,000 miles. 2300. We got along very well with the people that sold it to us and we both felt it was a great car. We are finalizing the deal now.

Tomorrow is the baby's Christening

and briefly, I wrote a REALLY long blog journal that somehow is erased and gone.

Today was the family reunion...Emmett was SO cute and everyone was loving him. He was also (Mike can attest) POSING for the camera. He saw there was a camera and he was looking directly into it, smiling and acting cute.

Unbelievable.

I just wanted to write before I went to sleep.
Things are very good in the Garson world.

They're called Palmeritas

...and Goya makes them. For .69, you can get a pack of 40 cookies that are DELICIOUS -- kind of like Pig's Ears. Look for them in the Mexican section of your supermarket.

I got pictures of Emmett taken at Sears. He was so cute in every shot that I didn't get the deal (3.99) I went in for. I ordered 3 of the shots. "Ms. T", his photographer, admitted that he was cute.

In other news I talked to the ladies at the Gym. I have been limiting my workout to 45 minutes because that's what the woman told me to do. But today I asked her if she thought I could go longer (I was desperately hoping for 1 1/2 hour). You know what she said. "Oh, you should be able to go for 2 hours. He's so good. Maybe bring him when he's about to go down for a nap...but yeah. You should have no problem. 1 1/2 or 2 hours. No problem".

Ana's boyfriend Jason is staying with us. He drinks Bud Light and Mike and I found that very difficult. At first we made fun of him but realized that he didn't think it was funny. So to make up for it, I tried a Budweiser. Not a light, but still a Bud. So did Mike. The weirdest thing. We never actually had one.

We were drinking this beer like it was a fine German import, analyzing it for just what it was...a soda beer. An easy drink. Jason thought it was so funny...which really, now that I think about it, it was. We were talking about BUD like it was some crazy drink.

Sunday is our Orthodox wedding. We're having brunch afterwards at the Mendenhall. I'm upset, because the Priest is being transfered (Father Anastasio). He is so, so good.

My dad's car broke down. We still haven't found a car for me. Emmett is growing so fast. I got Mike's father's day gifts (and wrapped them). Next week is the Christening and we're going to the shore.

I love Palmeritas.

I dislike genders.

I am sick of being female.
I am sick of the roles I'm expected to fulfil.
I'm sick of being treated like a woman becuase I'm not.

I'm a person. I don't fit into any gender roles. I'm sick SICK SICK of being treated differently because of my sex.

I wish I were a man.
Posted by: Elisabeth / 9:44 PM

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I went crazy at TJ Max.

For years, I was ANTI that store. I had been to the end of season sales at Lord & Taylor (and others on that "level") and the deals I was getting were BETTER than the deals you get at TJ Max and those other closeout places.

Since moving out here to Avon"middleofnowhere"ville, TJ Max is (literally) the closest store to us. Needless to say, I've become more open.

Perhaps it's an understatement. It's like myhh favorite store.
And yesterday I went and bought 2 huge bagfuls of clothing for myself and for Mike. At the counter the spry young woman said "Who you buyin this for">? I said "My husband". "He should learn to shop for hisself, you know what I'm sayin. Men should learn to shop for theyself".

I was like "yeah" but secretly thinking "no, I love shopping for Mike".

In other news, I gained a pound despite the fact that I'm going to the gym every day. It's because I can't stop eating. I think the quitting smoking thing has finally caught up with me.

Emmett slep t for 5 hours today adn was acting like he'd grown so much...so much so, I told him I noticed . He's mouthing words...I imitate him and he recognizes what I'm doing...he complains about things....he says DADA (as of today).

We are looking for a car and I thought I found one. A really good deal on a Honda in Reading...and I was illing to go get it. The lady promised she wouldn't sell it until we came out to see it (on Sasturday) but she called me tonight and told me her husband sold it. I just took it as fate.

I'm pressing for a minivan or SUV. If you could have heard me in LA...or even when I'm driving, this is an insane contradiction. I have always HATED big cars and vans. However, the joy of having space for Emmett and his "stuff" is unimaginable. Not feeling like we're all squished would be great. Mike is very anti it, but he is half=heartedly looking into it. He is trying to push for a Volvo station wagon (OF COURSE it's way cooler), but we really can't spend over $2,000. I doubt we'll get a good Volvo for that.

The bump on the back of my neck doesn't seem to be serious. The doctor (who was very pretty and young and didn't seem like a genius at all) said that it was most likely nothing -- a cyst -- and she gave me a perscription to see if it would go away. I also asked her about my scoliosis and she said a chiropractor would help. I'm thinking why doesn't insurance cover it!

Tomorrow is my parents yard sale which we were drafted into helping with.
I'm exhauseted already.

I really want to go see Stepford Wives, The Day After Tomorrow, Mean Girls and Supersize This. Finding someone to babysit is hard and I feel akward asking my parents. I'm sure they'd say yes, but I just don't like to ask them. Then, this great thing happened.

My friend Kyle called me and told me she's giving Mike and I tickets to see Napolean Dynamite (which got great reviews) and she and her friend Bonnie are going to watch Emmett on Wed. We are like YEAH!!!

The other good news is that Jessica is moving to Philly for sure. I'll see her this weekend which is cool. And I want to give a shout out to Wayne who really cares about Mike and I. We can tell and he's a great guy. Check out his blog at https:www.jandock.blogspot.com.

I had a dream about Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt

Actually, I had it two nights ago.

I met Jennifer Aniston as an interviewer. I had written her a letter asking her to let me do an interview with her. An interview that would show the real side of who she was. Basically, I told her she would make my career by letting me do it. And I sent her a list of questions like "What is it like to be rich" "What do you hate about being famous" "Do you ever miss being a regular person" etc.

In the course of the interview, I became friends with her to some degree and ended up hanging out with her a little bit. She was telling me that she and Bradd Pitt were having problems and she felt like he was cheating on her.Anyway, she and Courtney Cox left (I forgot to mention that C.Cox was there) before Brad got home. I was waiting around to ask him some questions. Jennifer was purposely avoiding him.

Brad came home and basically wanted me to hug him and cuddle with him, which I did. ( Please note, I am not a Brad Pitt fan. I don't know WHERE this was coming from). I realized I was betraying Jennifer Aniston, but I didn't really know what to do. I felt like I had to hug him. All of the sudden, he was done with me. He had no respect for me because I'd betrayed Jennifer Aniston and he coldy left.

THE END.

The next day, I drempt about Survivor Rob and Amber. The dream was dumb...I don't remember it. The point is I'm reading People magazine and it's sinking into my subconscious.

Emmett News

Emmett is almost sitting up completely on his own

Emmett fake laughs sometimes when I am trying to make him laugh.

When Emmett doesn't want to sleep, he'll cry, and we go in to check on him, he'll laugh because he knows we'll think it's cute and pick him up.

Emmett is the most popular baby at the Gym. All the children love him (LITERALLY)

Emmett has rhythm. He is always kicking his feet to music.

Elisabeth News
Well, since my last depressing post, things have gotten better. (of course) I'm not as depressed as I was and am wondering if I have bi-polar disorder.

Actually, here are all the conditions I'm afraid I have:

ADD
ADHD (I'm not sure of the difference)
Dislexia
Bi-Polar Disorder
Personality Disorder
Hypo Glocemia or Diabeties

Anyway, things got better because, for me, sleeping really helps me see things clearly. The passing of time. I am more content with my position here. I'm anxious to see what the future holds, but am trying to live in the "present". (very, very difficult for me).

In other news, I found a lump on the lower back of my neck. I'm sort of worried, but am trying not to think about it. I have an appointment on Thursday. 2 of my teeth are hurting (in that root kind of way) and I'm going to make an appointment for July. I'm also wondering if I am having eye problems because I am always reading things wrong and confusing certain words *this is why I think I have dislexia.

I've been getting a lot done during the day lately. I feel "on top " of the house and the laundry etc.

Today's News

My day was...satisfying.
I went to the Gym.
I did laundry.
I went to Gymboree.
I cleaned up & made appointments.
I went to the Greek Festival.
We looked at a car.

Gym: A normal work out. But as usual, at the end when I went to get Emmett, there were 5 children around him asking me questions about him. Emmett has a naturally attractive personality, EVERYONE likes Emmett and I'm realizing it's not normal for other babies. It's not fakers just saying he's cute. People are like DRAWN to Emmett. I call him the "Prince of the Gym"

Laundry: Not too exciting, except that I washed our comforter and couch pillows.

Gymboree: Interesting. Two of the ladies there seem "interested" in me. It's very strange since I am NOTHING like them. (They drive SUV's and wear kahki shorts). But they were trying to talk to me etc. Emmett and I had a great time. He was cracking up when I was giving him rides at Gymboree.

Greek Festival: Did I mention my favorite food is Greek? Since Mike wanted us to go look at a car near the Greek Festival (in Wilmington DE), I was very interested in going (and stopping for a bite to eat at the festival). Emmett was so cute the whole time and EVERYONE was saying how cute he was -- even these teenage kids that clearly do not care about babies. They said "Now THAT is a cute baby". Anyway, I got moussaka and Mike got Pastiticho. (spelled wrong I'm sure). Then, we split a slouvaki sandwhich.

Car: It was a Volvo 89 with 105,000 miles for 1200.00 Too good to be true? Yes. It was. We met the guy at 9pm and the car was in bad shape. Although he described it as "excellent", it was not even close. A few of the features: No parking break! Ripped seats! Problematic fuse box! Non working interior lights! Dents and scratches on body! Non-matching grill! Dashboard light non working! Clunky clutch! And more,,,,

Other News
Ana's Boyfriend Jason is coming this week and staying with us.
Replies to the Christening are coming in slowly.
I'm going to get to see Jessica this weekend
Mike is doing great at this job


Posted by: Elisabeth / 5:06 PM

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Hating my life...as usual.

I'm in a very bad mood.

I'm not making enough milk anymore for Emmett, and I don't know why. I don't want to pump to "bump up" production, yet I'll feel like a terrible mother if I ween him off milk before a year. Right now, he is crying in his room, not wanting to go to sleep.

I am so tired of my life. I go through this routinely. There is nothing to look forward to anymore. There are no thrills left. I never feel exhillerated. I don't feel alive. I have nothing to look forward to. I have nothing to feel proud of (besides Emmett of course).Weeks are blurring into one another with nothing interesting to separate them. I don't have a car. We don't have enough money. We don't have a house. I feel that we have nothing that hasn't been a gift.

This weekend, I went massively off my diet, basically pigging out. According to my grandmother's scale I gained 3 pounds meaning that I'm 8 pounds away from my pre=preganacy weight. It seems like I'll neverget there and because I feel have nothing to look forward to anymore (no cigarettes, no work, no achievements), all I want to do is eat.

I'm miserable, depressed and I'm actually thinking about using alcohol as a crutch right not. Well, I guess in the old days it was to "get the edge off".

That girl from Zipperhead.

Somethings make me feel young. My hair being dark makes me feel young. The fact that I can work out for 30 minutes without breathing heavy makes me feel young. The fact that guys still look at me makes me feel young. The fact that I don't have vericrose veins makes me feel young. The fact that a Bush is still in office makes me feel young.

So does the girl from Zipperhead.

I saw her last night in Spaceboy which used to be the other half of Zipperhead (a punkrock shop on South Street). She has worked at Zipperhead for at least 8 years and I swear, the girl is not aging or changing. It's unbelievable.

She has brown and red streaked hair in two braids on eaitehr side. She wears a ton of punkish makeup and England punk style clothing (plaids, Creepers, fishnets etc.). She has lots of ear piercings and I swear SHE IS NOT AGING.

The other thing this girl makes me feel is amazed at how much I have changed. While she has been doing the London Punk thing, I've done the 70's hardcore, the 70's softcore, business casual, jeans and t-shirts, and now the "trying to be a cool mom" look. But rather than thinking it's cool, in some ways I think...don't you want to grow up?

Poor Emmett is dying for my attention. I just wanted to write this while I was thinking about it.

10-4 over and out.

Emmett's First First Friday

Ana said "Hey, you wanna go to First Friday with us".
I laughed and said "Uh-huh" in that "duh, you know I can't go" kind of way.
Then I thought about it and realized...why can't I go.

So we did. Emmett and I drove down with Kyle and Ana and we met Chris on South Street at Java. Then, we walked to Olde City and met Colin and Mike. Emmett of course was an angel thorugh it all...seeing the Real World House (Oh WOW!), seeing Chris' friend, going into the costume shop, talking to this girl Amanda, and endless walking through big crowds in the stroller.

I needed this so much. I looked good and fit into an old pair of jeans and I just loved being around so many people. I felt alive. I felt free...like I had a life and like there were things that I could do. Like being a mom wasn't so hard. Like Emmett could fit into my world. Like the world was a place I like.

It was SO good to see Colin who I have missed terribly. He was (of course) haliarously fun. We were at a cheesesteak shop having a beer and a cheesesteak and (of course) the Real World guy happens to pick our restaurant to eat in. The crowds were going wild. Except for us, the cynics. Chris suggested that Colin should rape the guy's mom so he would be sure to get on TV. We were all cracking up. Then, Colin decided he should just hit on the woman (who, incidentally was dressed 'to the nines in an 80s style outfit) and he could pretend he had no idea she was being filmed. Very very funny.

We went to Chris' house and were locked out. AFter a long struggle, I was able to "card" the door open with a Genuardi's Card. I felt like a true hero. Chris and I got ice cream, unifying in our need to splurge off the diet, and then we went back. A very, very good time.

Earlier today, I fufiled my promise and had Emmett and Mommy day. I just spent a lot of time with Emmett...playing with him, kissing him...talking to him...He was a main part of my day. At the gym, I brought cookies for the ladies becuase they do such a great job.

I love Emmett. I've decided to make a t-shirt that says "I love Emmett".

June Cleaver in the flesh.

So I am.

Here's how it happened one day that I turned into June Cleaver, superwoman.

I knew Mike's father and his aunt Mimi were coming over today. No problem. I would just get up, clean up, write my newsletter, go to the gym and finish cleaning when I got home...all while feeding and entertaining Emmett. I had it down to a science. Woke up at 8:30...Hang with Emmett until 9:00...got into gym clothes...wrote the newsletter...and ready to go to the gym by 11:45. Instead, I cleaned for awhile and left for the gym at 1:00, figuring I'd be back by 2:30. Perfect. A half hour shower...an hour left to clean and I'd be ready by 4:00, their scheduled arrival.

But there was a "snafu" in the plans. At 2:30 I get a message from Mike that his father said it was "up to us" if we would go out and eat or if we would stay in and eat. Translation: "I am not going to invite myself to dinner." Extended Translation: We need to make dinner.

After getting mad at Mike for not asking his dad sooner, I went into highly effective panic mode. I cleaned the entire house and figured out an impromptu dinner (burritos with chicken, rice and ground beef) in 1 1/2 hour. It was insane. Of course, Ana to the rescue. She took Emmett until 4 so I had time to do it all.

When they arrived, I was showered, the house was sparkling and I was getting dinner ready. I am so Cleaver, it's not even funny.

Now, for the kicker. Last night at 3AM, Emmett woke up like he was HIGH ON CAFFINE. All he wanted to dowas to play and kick me and laugh at me. I was up for hours with him...there was NO WAY he was going back to sleep. So even more Cleaver, I was exhausted and I pulled off this meal and this hostessing that I could not believe.

I feel bad about something though. All Emmett wants is my attention and this week I feel like I didn't give him enough. I only played with him one day this week (formally) and the rest of the time I've been shuttling him around and trying to get things done. I declared to him tonight (as he was hugging me) that "tommorrow will be Emmett and Mommy day". I whispered that we would have a fun time tomorrow and would do fun things all day.

I look horrible in sunglasses.

All of them. Every shape. Every size. Every color.
So when I jokingly put on a pair of Steve Madden's in the mall, I turned to Mike with a frog face expecting the usual response -- laughter. As crazy as it is, they looked good. So I bought them...my first pair of sunglasses over $6.99. And now I'm afraid to wear them.

Emmett has a funny little personality. He is so easy to make laugh. Everything is a toy. He loves touching fabric. He loves shows. He loves the camera. Right now, he's in his swing and I'm doing this in hopes that he'll fall asleep. (If I leave he'll get upset). Sadly, he seems to have no interest in sleeping. Like at all.

Emmett waves. I swear it's true. I'll say hi, and he waves at me. Sometimes he even says 'hei".

This weekend is going to be fun. Jessica is coming. Colin is coming, Chris and Michele are meeting us in different places. This is going to be a really great weekend -- Friday night, First Friday downtown. Saturday morning, Yard Sales. Saturday afternoon, Philly tour. Saturday night, BBQ and indoor hangin. Sunday, Diane's brunch. Sunday night, movies. Monday -- this is undecided. We may go to the shore. I'm not sure.

OK. Emmett'[s not falling for this. I should go.

Sitting around eating low carb chocolates.

Is this the plight of motherhood?Perpetually trying to get back to pre-prepregnancy weight but being so bored and, at times, so unsatisfied that all you want to do is eat?

All I do is crave these maltose chocolates that don't digest. Literally. I'm up all night with an explosive intestine but somehow it's worth it. I haven't eaten real chocolate in 2 months. But I'm paying for it.

Yesterday was fine with Emmett. We were busy. We went to the gym...then to Gymboree....then 2 grocery stores.

The gym was anti-climatic except that I want to stay longer. The lady at the gym said 45 minutes was about as long as Emmett couild stand...but she said that like 3 months ago. I want to go for like 1-2 hours.

After we got home, I dealt with Christening nightmare stuff. The lady that I was dealijng with was apparantly fired. The prices she gave me were 4.95 less expensive than they actually will be per person. And because we know the owner, I don't want to offend him by pressing the issue. It's complicated and Mike and I just decided to deal with whatever happens.

Because I was on the phone for so long, I didn't get to shower and went to Gymboree still "gymmy" with dried sweat, which I thought made me look cute. I dont' smell when I sweat. I'm not being all holier than thou...it's just the truth.

At Gymboree there was this new teacher. I really miss Meghan. She was so great and I didn't realize how great she was until she was gone. (She was young...like 23 or something). This new teacher was more mom-focused. Meghan was more baby focused. Anyway, the question came up "Do you feel you have adjusted to motherhood" and it came my turn to answer it. Oddly, I was very honest. I said that I've adjusted to the routine of motherhood, but I haven't adjusted to finding my worth in something other than what I do for a living. And that equating my value with motherhood was hard for me.
The teacher loves me now because I'm so real. I felt like she actually wanted to be my friend because I said that.

I am in love with Mike these days. One of the things I want to do for him is cook things he likes. So, yesterday, I decided to make burritos. I took Emmett to Acme after Gymboree. No sales. But he was so sweet and good the whole time. At one point, while I was walking into the Acme, I saw this woman. She was a pretty old woman, with white hair and makeup that wasn't smeary. She smiled at Emmett and I walked into the store foyer and was playing with Emmett (there was no one inside). I was pushing him around and talking to him. All of the sudden, I realized that woman was behind me and that I was blocking the door. She smiled and said "Oh, I know you're playing with your baby. It's OK". I decided to go to Giant after that to get the rest of the things I needed. AGain, I was having a blast with Emmett....running him through the aisles etc.

I came home, cleaned and started making dinner. But I realized I'd left an entire bag of groceries at the store. I called them and they said I could come back and get the items. They'd foundthe bag and put the things away.

Mike came home and liked the burritos and then we went out and got the groceries. The rest of teh night was reflective. Mike read the Orthodox book (for our class) and I worked on finding a father's day gift for him. Then he worked on the movie.