The trouble with gossip

Tammy Faye,
originally uploaded by elisabethie.

is that it hurts people.

For a long time, I was critical of Tammy Faye. I mean, it was just understood that she was a phony TV evangelist wife. And I judged her more harshly because she was representing "my group" -- a group I feel embarrassed of and struggle to defend. It was just easier to separate her out of my group, designating my brand of Christianity as different than hers. Becuase I'm not a Jim Baker kind of Christian.

Separating myself from other Christians that I can't relate to (who seem to have one thing in common, incidentally. They're uncool) has helped me stay "ok" with my non-Christian friends. It's allowed them to see me as different than the other Christians. And it's given me a certain license that I don't want to go into right now. The point is, I've spent the past 8 years separating myself in an effort to create my own spiritual identity -- one that's proven to be a great deal easier and very "livable".

Awhile ago, Tammy Faye was on a show called The Surreal Life...a show we watched a few times becuase Mike really likes it. I COULDN'T WAIT to see the one with her on it. I couldn't wait to judge and make fun of and criticize her.

As I write this I am feeling soft enough for tears.

I was so very wrong. It became immediately clear that this she is a gentle woman, a kind woman, a sweet woman and most important, a genuinely loving person that has a beautiful relationship with God. She was patient, humble, accepting and gentle. From gay men (her biggest fans)to housemate Ron Jeremery, she didn't judge. And everyone, and i mean EVERYONE in that house loved and respected her.

I found myself deeply respecting and loving this womann -- seeing right through the layers of make up and realizing what an extreme hypocrite I am. My whole life, I have flocked to the alternative and the different...particularly in the way I looked. And for years and years, I have judged this woman for wearing too much makeup. If a punk rocker has green hair and black smudges around his eyes, that's ok. But Tammy Faye was OBVIOUSLY in it for the money. I mean I could see that just by how she looked.

I'm ashamed of myself.