I'm finally getting sick of

Los Angeles, and I say that sincerely. The people here are flat out weird. I was talking to my dad last night and once again realizing that there's no "goal" here to sound intelligent or to speak intelligently. Maybe it's just Venice because it's a beach town. But people literally shy away and change the subject if you talk about anything negative or anything deep. It's like the people here are shells waiting to be filled up with a character. I just feel resolved to know I officially don't want to live here again, and to genuinely not be faking it.

Yesterday, I worked in Audrey's store again and I am not good at working in the front. It's not the actual work. It's dealing with rich people that want to talk too long about stationary or their dogs. I am faking it. I like the wrapping paper enough to say "Yeah, it's super cool" but going on and on about it becomes a chore for me because in a sense I'm lying. I realize (again with my thoughts on intelligence) that getting THAT into the packaging to me doesn't make logical sense. That's not to say Audrey doesn't have awesome stuff in her store -- she does and I really do like it. And I like working in the store. But I want to kill the words "yeah yeah yeah!!!" and murder exclamation points. I am way too cynical and my beat is different.

Even when I was almost killed walking across a crosswalk (which in LA, in my opinion, promotes death), the guy that almost hit me (who truly should have been mad since I just waltzed out and didn't really look hard enough) was so "dude! you didn't even look! I almost hit you". He was like 50. This town just isn't for me. He didn't yell. There wasn't a fight. There was nothing.

After I worked, Mike and I went shopping and Benetton was having a great sale (v-neck and turtle neck sweaters 70% off). It's still winter at home so to me this was great. I bought several of them and realize that Benetton continues to be one of my favorite stores (and don't think that 80's advertising campaign had nothing to do with it). I just need to figure out the bottom half and create a winter uniform. We also went to Urban Outfitters and I bought the best dress I've ever seen and a cool skirt. MIKE IS THE BEST because he shops with me and doesn't mind waiting or helping me judge. The best thing that's happened for me in LA is a reopening of my style and realizing how I can get through the rest of the winter without jeans.

After that, we met this guy Jay we knew from when we lived there and (surprise) had to find a Valentine's Gift for his girlfriend (spending about $250) within an hour. I was suddenly the professional consultant on this, and wound up encouraging him in the "sleeping" direction with a memory foam pillow, red satin pillow case, and red neglige from Victoria Secrets. It was just funny that I was so influential in something I would never wear (see-through).

The entire time, I felt ugly, short and squat -- something I don't feel at home. I kept glancing in the mirror and realizing how I don't visually fit in in Los Angeles and feeling very unbeautiful and sort of funny looking. My outfit was different (brown knee socks with pink ankle socks & brown sneakers, green short skirt, stripped undershirt, brown bird t-shirt and hoodie). But I got carded again when I got a vodka & tonic, and that made me feel good.

I'm excited to go home.

Now, I just have to get over New York.