crossword puzzles

are becomming an addiction for me. I don't know when I turned 50.

This weekend, I did my first crossword. It took at least three hours. Then, last night before I went to bed, I got halfway through my second...in less than an hour. I really believe that you have to do a few crosswords to get it. Then, it comes easier.

I picked this image because things in my life are getting clearer. Not because it has anything to do with my new addiction. Suddenly, I feel like I can see again -- like this dark cave is illuminated with some kind of light, and I can see what's going to happen. I feel like I have a semblence of control.

Here's what's happening:

House: We have 5 people in this little house and I feel so happy. Wayne, Phil, Mike, Emmett and Me. And when Ana is here, I feel like life is perfect. Everyone does their own thing, and we interact on the by. Wayne has his own thing going on with school, Avery etc. etc. Phil has his job and is bringing (literally) good music onto my computer. Mike is building closets. I'm always cleaning and working on community related events. And Emmett is all about trains.

Weekend: Last weekend we went to a wedding up in the middle of nowhere. I felt happy because I danced the whole time and didn't care. I just wish I actually knew how to dance. It would be easier if I had moves prepared.

Flea Market: This weekend is the flea market and I feel excited and apprehensive. This is something I'm co-organizing and we have a lot of people vending. At the same time, I decided I wanted to make the flea market cool by having bands play inside the park. I have 5 bands and one DJ. We'll see how this goes.

Emmett's Birthday: On Nov. 10 is Emmett's birthday. I am really getting into this.
We are making his invitations today. The favors are bat capes with each kid's name ironed on.

Money: This is a struggle right now, but I know we'll be okay despite what Mike thinks. There was some deal with an overdraw on Paypal and we got charged $60. He's flipping out. Things are really tight. For some reason, I'm not letting this affect me. I know that soon I'll be working again. That once Emmett is in school, my baby is gone.

Emmett: He told me he loved me the other day. He said "Mommy, I love you". I burst into tears. And what was weird was that he understood. I kept saying "I'm crying because I'm happy Emmett" and I realized he wasn't asking me why I was crying.

Halloween: When I was six months pregnant, I bought Emmett a monster outfit that reminded me of the little boy from Where The Wild Things Are. I've attached a picture of another kid in a costume (from Ebay). It was the first thing I bought for him. I've waited three years for him to wear this costume on Halloween. My mom (this year) gave him an alligator costume. Emmett has been wearing that costume for the past two weeks. He doesn't want to be a monster. he wants to be an alligator.

Wayne just walked down from the shower and said "Happy Halloween. A holiday I care nothing about". I said "Me either".