You want to know what's really happening with me?

I'm miserable. I have drafts that aren't published with statements like "I hate my fucking life". The moments I write in my blog are "the best" of my day. I'm writing this because people are misunderstanding what I'm writing -- like my last post. The last post is about me. It's about me no longer being light about my problems. It's about friends that don't know how to deal with me being heavy right now. The result is that I'm going into isolation about my feelings like a person with cancer not wanting to bother anyone.

I am a semi-private person. I don't like to be completely vulnernable, but I also tell a lot of what's going on. I've always held onto a life jacket when I'm dealing with my problems and that makes life bearable. Sometimes, I let more out than other times. I "heal" through talking and when I talk or write, I'm sometimes counseling myself. This is a method that works for me, but it varies by situation. So for one situation you'll see me crying, saying everything. The next, I'll tell you with a stone cold face that I am turning the hurt I feel into anger because I can't deal with being vulnerable. I'm inconsistent based on how I can deal with things.

Please don't judge me and forgive me for anything that offends you. I don't mean it. I love and value all of my friendships and anyone that reads this blog. It means a lot that you care. My intentions are never to hurt anyone. I'm never sending secret messages with the things I feel.