The importance of a domineering

man for me is incredibly high. It's because I'm domineering and I never want to be one of those Harriet/Nells relationships. So this is something Mike and I are working on. Me being less dominating and him being more. But I don't know how to make strength go away. I don't really know how to make myself become less decisive and less opinionated. I always have a strong feeling about things and I don't know how to not have that reflected in my reactions. Mike rarely feels anything strongly. This is a really difficult thing.

Having said that, this kind of relationship enables me total freedom. I never feel cramped by Mike with regard to friendships with guys -- going out -- involving myself in projects etc. etc. But at the same time, I often feel not taken care of. I feel alone and on my own in this marriage, which in a lot of ways is something I need. Still, there's this desire to have someone contain me slightly. I don't know how this can possibly work in a marriage. I view Mike as a captor sometimes, even though he allows me total freedom. Yet in that freedom, it takes a lot for me to control the wild nature of my personality, so I view Mike as negligent in his caring for me. He can't win.

I always related to the film "Taming of the Shrew" and felt that was what would happen to me. But I didn't marry someone like that and it didn't happen that way. Instead, the modifications I've made have more to do with my child and having to be more mature than I actually feel.

I'm just rambling on. Things are not terrible in my marriage right now, but we did have a few problems on the trip. And I still wonder what would have happened if I married a more controlling type of guy. I wish I could just be happy with SOMETHING besides my son.