There are two sides

to every story. This is something I've learned as I've gotten older. Even the person that seems right has contributed something to the problem. It was hard for me to understand this for a really long time in my youth. Generally, I felt that I was totally right about everything -- not even accepting things I KNEW I'd done wrong -- even when I was called on them. One of my reactions to this realization, when dealing with someone I love, has become to take all the blame and to assume I'm wrong about everything. With Mike, when the regret of a fight hits home, I assume I've done everything wrong and that Mike has been right about everything. Even now, I'm thinking "Yep. That's usually how it is. I'm always wrong".

So why am I writing this? Without going into too much detail, Mike's family is very focused on siding. When there is a divide in the family, those involved are eager to find a safe side -- a supportive side. There is a victim thing that happens in that family, where one of the sides positions themselves as a victim. I've seen it over and over again over the years, and Mike and I (particularly me) are the most desired canidates for a "side". Mainly because we care and we'll talk about it and somehow we've won this "center of truth" connotation. My position has always been to remain neutral, but this is almost impossible in Mike's family.

Now, we're in a situation with Mike's family that involves siding. And by all appearances, it seems I've taken a side and am supporting the younger one positioned as a victim (In this unusual situation, both are positioned as victims). Unlike other situations in his family, I am more vulernerable here because we're dealing with a child. God help me. I'm so confused. I don't want to contribute problems. I just want peace.

I'm realizing I don't know how to stay neutral and talk about anything with anyone. Everyone is telling me how they feel (which is fine) but my reaction in conversations is to say "Yeah...I understand....uh huh". How do I not do that?