For the first time during this pregnancy

I feel a profound love for my baby. I haven't felt it yet, and today, sitting here with my swollen ankles on top of piled pillows, I feel deep love for someone I don't know.

And, for the first time during my pregnancy, I feel in love with Mike. I have not felt in love with him for so, so long. But as I'm writing this, I am starting to get very teary eyed -- teary eyed at how much he loves me despite the terrible person I am. I don't know why or how he can still buy me flowers every week, even though at every pass, I'm ready to blame. I don't know why he's wiling to stay up two nights in a row, with very little sleep, to work on a festival book for a Greek church because he knows that it means something to me. How is he able to take all the blame I put upon him for everything. He never argues with me. He always agrees to try to work on things, even if they aren't his fault.

(I have to go. I am afraid I won't finish this later. I want to post this because these may be feelings that lead to a turning point).