Freaks & Sleep.

I'm coming to realize that when I don't sleep, I am not as happy. I hate sleeping, but more than that, I hate having no energy. I actually become depressed when I don't feel able to get things done. Today feels like a fresh day. It's 8:08 and looks beautiful, warm and sunny outside.

Yesterday, two people were here. One was a household breakfast with A & N and the other was a dinner with two of our (Mike and my) friends. In both situations, I was wishing so desperately that I'd slept. (This is in part for you A and in part because I'm realizing something). I love people and I'm always interested, but when I haven't slept, I can't seem to keep my mind in one place and I feel like laughing and having fun is harder for me. Both events were fun, but I was disappointed with myself socially.

After dinner, we got into our pajamas and I was sitting with Mike and watched an episode of Freaks and Geeks where the girl gets high. She started philosphizing oddly and Mike said "Elisabeth. That girl -- high -- reminds me of you."

Okay. I blogged for archival purposes of current events....I found my introduction line to what's coming. Here we go.

My weird philosophical state

The Greeks
I've been studying ancient Greek philosophers and I can't believe that no one has been able to disprove the things they said. I won't bore you (or myself later) with the details, but my mind has been racing into these really strange philosphical thoughts. Lately, I'm stuck on one that's putting me in a trance. (Read the paragraphs I wrote about Plato and most importantly Zeno in the picture above. I wrote those blurbs for a Greek festival magazine)

Reality in Question
I'm questioning reality itself. We act like everything is solid, logical and factually-based. But Zeno raised questions about our perception of basic reality. That things that seem to happen (very basic things like an arrow hitting a target) are mathmatically impossible. The understanding of reality and perception that I was taught in school no longer seems to make sense within the mathmatical & scientific structure our society is founded on!

Weird parts of life we pretend are normal
I start to think about the fact that when we get cut, we "heal ourselves" like E.T. That solids are made up of a bunch of molecules moving and if the atoms in my foot are positioned in the same way as the floor at a given moment, my foot would sink and become part of the floor. That I can't look at this gigantic ball of light in the sky, or else i'll go blind. That no one can figure out why we're here, what we're doing or what's going on in the rest of the universe. They can only seem to figure out what things are made of and how they relate. That doesn't seem like much.

My Conculusion
I feel like I'm in this weird sci-fi novel with a spirtuallly-based world and people pretending like it isn't. I'm questioning what we even are and if things I physically feel are even real. What I'm saying is that I'm starting to understand the dismissal of the 5 senses and the fact that when I actually touch something solid, it feels solid, but it's actually moving and that technically, my "perception" is incorrect.

I'm aware that I can only see a small part of what's happening. I believe there's a spiritual world of things happening that I can't perceive with my senses. That this "earth" is more alien-like than I ever thought. I don't know what reality is and I think it's laughable that Western culture can continue clinging onto this scientifically based way of thinking, when we can't seem to figure anything out besides how things work and what they're made of. We never know WHY. We have no explanation for things outside of scientific explanation except "coincidence" or "dejavous" or "a temporary lapse of sanity". Time travel has not yet been disproven, but it doesn't fit in with rational science or any of our sensory-based understanding of things.

I feel like the 5 senses only apply generally to the medical side body (physical)and even then, there are "medical miracles" that we seem to think are logically based instead of something else. I beleive that all human senses outside of the physical body, are questionable. When we touch things, we're not feeling movement in solids. We can't hear sounds we know are there, like elephant calls or underwater communication -- who knows if catastrophic events have sounds we can't hear before they happen -- the animals seem to know. We can't see wind or oxygen. We can't see anything spiritual, things some of us feel and know are there. We can't figure out why when we think of a person, they suddenly contact us or what these little anomolies in human connection actually are...because they don't fit into the scientific form of the 5 senses.

I'm thrown into this weird state of existance. I'm not sure how much of my perception is inline with what's actually happening. I'm quick to admit that I don't believe human life is the highest form of existance. Now, I just don't know that I even understand what we are.