There's a really good side

to now and the way I am. I was thinking about this need for instant gratification I have -- something I mentioned yesterday in the word "spontaneity" and I was thinking about it last night as I was searching around the Internet.

For all my complaining about boundaries and not being able to do what I want to do spontaneously and instantly, here's a really good thing about now: The Internet. When the kids went to bed last night, I was looking around the Internet at anything I thought of. I looked for shoe pads for Colin, then I read about this story about a pilot and his girlfriend getting "caught" in the woods, then I followed up on the story about the Austrian that kept his daughter captive for 24 years, then I checked myspace, then I looked up a word in the dictionary...on and on it went and I realized that on the Internet, me as a "wife" and a "mother" offers no boundaries with where I can go or what I can do. I should shut up and count my blessings. I have a whole playground here with no restriction.

Yesterday was fun. Emmett, Mike, Ethan and I spent time outside in the front yard taking care of our tree. I played the Polyphonic Spree (much to the despair of my punk rock neighbors) and Emmett and I were dressed exactly alike (skeleton shirt with camo pants and I was wearing a camo shirt). Then, Phineas drove by and he came over and played. Mike and I cleaned up and we had a BBQ with Colin, Jess and Phil. It was awesome. The whole day. I totally enjoyed it and slowly but surely, my sadness about not being at the shore went away.

Other Things Going On:

1. The Christening - This Sunday. It's a big deal. About 70 people are coming. My friend R* is making the cake. We're having a bar. There's lots of good food, drinks -- everything. It's a bigger celebration than Emmett's and that's because this is a completely cathartic event for me. All my worry about Ethan's health...9 months of depression...all of it is in this celebration. My son is healthy. He's okay. He's normal. And this is (secretly) also a celebration of this.

2. Living Room Clothing - Our first order of t-shirts (1,000 pcs.) are sized wrong. This is extremely depressing for us. But, I'm just going to keep going. We have a photoshoot with Carina and I am in love with her photos. We've scheduled this for July. The business plan is almost done. The design side is going forward (we met with Josh). I have forms ready. I understand my audiences. It's all coming together.

3. Current Client - Ask me about this

4. New Client - I had an interview with a new client. It went well, but they asked me to come down on my rate. I thought about it and decided I would do it because it's 10-20 hours a week, steady work. Then, they asked me to write a spec. Keep in mind, at this stage of the game I have some pride. I said no.

5. DE Trip - We went on a trip to Delaware to a flea market and to check out a bizzare restaurant boat. It was like this boat in the middle of a parking lot, sort of delapidated and abandoned. My friend is thinking about buying it. While we were there, a truck pulled up and inside were two Mexican men. I asked them if they were thinking about buying the boat and they looked at me like I was crazy. They said they were waiting for it to open. I saw them later there still and we all knew there was something really fishy going on. The trip was fun. It turned into an all day event and I got to see my old friend Butch, which was awesome. I really miss going on road trips.

And now, a story.
The other day, I took Emmett and his friend Z* to South STreet to get free ice cream (Haggen Daaz was having a special) and the four of us (Ethan, Emmett, Z* and I) trecked down there on the bus. We got off the bus and this friendly looking black lady was pacing, singing praises to God like "Halleluigh" with her ear phones on. She was just kind of standing on the corner, I guess, waiting for a different bus. She said hello to us and I said hi. And she was saying how cute the kids were etc. Then she started saying over and over again "Just don't give up. Just don't give up" and she looked at me and said "Don't give up" and then said: "Do you like wheat bread?" and I said "Yes" and she said "I have this loaf of really thick,nice wheat bread. Would you like to have it?" and I said "Sure. You don't want it anymore"? and she said "No, I just feel like I should give it to you. God is giving it to you". And she gave me the bread and said "Just don't give up" and walked to the wall and put her head down, as if the lights on the stage dimmed her out of view. Like she was an angel that disapeared, but she didn't disappear. She was standing against the wall with her head down. And so, I called Mike and told him and said "What's going to happen that these words "Don't give up" are going to come into play. Of course I believe in these things. Of course I believe in that message. And less than a week later, I found myself leaning on her and leaning on those words. Because even though I wrote about it briefly above, having a thousand t-shirts in the wrong sizes is devestating to me and caused some serious sadness. But I kept thinking about the lady with the bread and that's what has gotten me through it.