I give myself these little presents
that aren't like real presents, but I think of them as presents. Like, changing the razor after a shower or taping a note to the door or ironing something well in advance of an event. I realize when I do things ahead, they are like presents to my future self. And I find myself doing these things when I think I'm worthy.Self-love is a weird thing. You're supposed to love yourself, but socially, you're not allowed to do this. You have to put yourself down. You can't be proud of your achievements. You're supposed to submit the proper amount of censorship when it comes to anything you think may make another person jealous.
This is extremely hard for me. I don't feel anyone should be jealous of anything about me ever so if something great happens for me, I want to tell everyone because I'm so excited and so proud. The assumption of jealousy feels condescending to me. I don't want to worry about it.
When you are truly non-competitive and really think another person is great, you're never bragging. You're speaking to them as an equal. The people you censor yourself to are the people you handle with kid gloves because you feel like "they're not doing as well. This could upset them".
In my situation, there is pretty much no one I'm close to that I don't think is "doing as well" as me. My achievements and excitements are paralleled to theirs, sometimes in a different way, but I always think they're parallel. I wish society could shake this comparison thing and that everyone would realize that they can do what they want to do -- it just takes work. No one is better. When people are healthy and do things to their maximum potential, everyone is equal.
I'm thinking about this because I'm thinking about these presents I give to myself. I do it because I'm trying to make myself happy in the future. And sometimes something as simple as an outfit laid out the night before does just that. And is it all rooted in self-love? I think it is. But going forward with that thought, I do love parts of myself immensely. I wouldn't want to be someone else. BUT, there are things I don't like about myself. And that's why these little gifts are not daily.
posted by sabbeth @ 4:20 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
I'm glad you give yourselves those gifts, b/c you deserve them.
Looking at the time stamp on this post, though, i wish you gave yourself the gift of sleep a little more often, though! (wink)
jb
i can really relate to this post.
i have been thinking alot about comparisons and whether non-competitive relationships (and society) are possible.
i really want them to be but am not sure what a healthy way is to handle comparisons when they do pop up.
i do those little planning ahead type of gifts for myself too, but i never thought of them this way. it does feel like an act of self-love, which we could all use more of, i imagine.
sc.
I really like this post. It reminds me of a scene in Twin Peaks where Cooper says once a day every day give yourself a present. Then he gave as an example a catnap in your office chair, a new shirt from the men's store or a hot cup of black coffee.
Also, I agree that if everyone was completely secure in their our lives, we could freely tell each other things and it wouldn't lead to jealosy.
-Collars
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