I'm venturing

into dark tunnels of thought, as it relates to my religious upbringing. Mike and I were raised with the belief that premarital sex and divorce are two of the worst sins imaginable. I'm starting to really question this. It seems that Christianity has bumped out other sins, determining that changes in society don't allow for them (ie - loans, mortgages etc.). Yet these are considered unchangable.

In a society where early and young marriages don't work, the natural reaction is to wait longer before making the commitment (which I believe is correct. We're stunted in our growth and ability to commit since we don't commit to ANYTHING else like we do to marriage). Having said that, Biblical law calls us to wait until marriage before having sex. This makes NO SENSE to me. So, if you don't have sex, you rush into marriage because you want to have sex and you get a divorce because it was based on something physical. Or, you have sex before you're married and you're considered a sinner. It doesn't make sense to me.

And with marriage, we live in an environment where men and women are constantly intereacting, working together, seeing one another at their best and worst, and in some cases, filling in for each other in a husband/wife capacity (particularly at offices). It's not like the old days where these little families lived isolated in fields and women were at home. OF COURSE affairs and a divorce will result. The difference is in society, not in humanity. I said to Mike "you know, Christians are the only ones that are intolerant of divorce, yet more than 50% of Chrisitans get divorced. when do we just admit the problem isn't necessarily a lack of commitment, but it's a change in society that we're not acknowledging". I'm starting to think all this is impossible on a grand scale.

Having said all this, I'm sure you're thinking that I want a divorce from Mike and that I have my eye on an affair. The truth is, I go through periods of wanting both, but right now I'm not in either of those. Things are actually getting better in this marriage, but I guess it's because I think if we work hard enough, we can make it. I'm just ready to begin thinking outside of traditional Christian norms, because the legalism is frustrating to me and I don't understand it.

I'm confused by the structure of love, sex and marriage -- EXCEPT as it relates to children. That is the one thing I can't explain and that religion completely covers. this is something that sex produces (creating a sense in choosing a life parnter) and that marriage protects (creating a sense in staying with the same person). So I wonder, maybe it is actually better to isolate yourself when you marry so that you lose some of your independance and actually focus only on your family and the value there. I keep trying to move forward as an individual and I'm starting to think that's hurting my marriage.