Off-centered

Positive
Originally uploaded by elisabethie.

Something feels off-centered right now. Not just with myself, but with everyone I love. I am unsure what's happening, but as always, I feel worried.

I need to ignore these thoughts, even if they are real, becuase I find that often I catch onto something that's there, but much tinier than I imagine. I need to "turn off" some of this perception and focus on what actually exists.

I realize that since this house thing has happened, I have been sliding away from God -- even despite the fact that he's answered every prayer we've made.

Yesterday, I had two dirty conversations (and I'm not referring to ours Colin) with people that pull me away from Godly behavior. I want to stop being attracted away from God. I want to be able to stay strong for more than a week at a time. I feel like smoking is contributing to this.

I am going to read the Bible and pray after this. I continuly notice that when I'm close to God, I am so much happier. When I'm not, these sinking feelings come upon me.

More than anything, I want to do what's right and be a good person. I feel often like I'm not and I want to get better at being firm in my beliefs and to not give into temptations that compromise what I hold to be right.

I am sorry that these posts are so heavy and deep. I would like my blog to be light and carefree again, but becuase I'm so far away, sometimes this feels like my only outlet.

Have a great weekend everyone.