I really need your advice on a long story.

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originally uploaded by elisabethie.

Right before I started writing this morningI acutally started singing a Liz Phair song outloud, from way back in the day. But instead of opening the song the REAL WAY (found here) (Help me Mary please), I started singing it like this "Help me bloggers please..."

This post is a desperate plea for any opinion or instinct you might have. I feel completely confused.

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Here's the story:

Yesderday, we were scheduled to go to the house for inspection. Right before that, I found out about Mike's calculations on us doing the mortgage, and it involved us moving to one car. I was LIVID. As a mother, there is no way I'm going to be without a car until we're living there and I feel it's Ok. For right now, I need to feel like if anything happens to Emmett, I can take him to the hospital or if I need to get my mom to watch him, I can drive him out to them etc. To afford the mortgage, we'd have to scrimp. The day started off badly.

As the day progressed, I started to get in a better mood and when we got to the house, I loved it again and so did Emmett. I was having a fun time being in the house and it didn't seem as small as I thought.

The inspection went ok. There are some problems, but the guy should probably pay for them. And as we were leaving and discussing next steps, the door wouldn't lock. It was the weirdest thing. Emmett was super fussy and Mike and our realtor were struggling to shut the door. It simply wouldn't lock.

The way the back yard is set up is that there are squares of property, separated by shoulder-high adjoining gates and closed in at the back by the same kind of gate. Behind the property is a walkway that goes past all the houses and is accessible to the yard. Behind that walkway is an extremely high barbed wire fence to keep people out. The only way for us to get out was to ask the next door neighbors if we could hop their fence and if they could let us out through their house.

Our realtor went to the next door neighbor (an old lady who was really sweet and who we'd met before). She didn't answer. Instead, a very American-Italian (but sort of seedy greasy, stocky guy with aqua blue eyes) answered the door. He was the lady's son in law. Her daughter died many years ago, but he was still living with her.

Lynn (realtor) asked if we could go through his house and he made up an excuse about how there's no passage between the houses. Lynn walked away akwardly. I said to the guy "Can my husband just hop your fence and come through? We don't all have to go". And the guy reluctantly said ok.

Mike went into the house and hopped their fence and waited when the guy said this.But the guy didn't go back. Instead, a small form of hysteria ensued. His mother-in-law came out and was fumbling with keys and they were saying how we should have a key and we all pay for that space back there and it all felt very confusing. But, it became clear that he was not going to let Mike walk through the house. He was going to take him out through the back gate. All of the sudden, the guy rushed inside. As soon as he did, I whispered to Lynn "They're hiding something. I mean, what is this."

In the meantime, Mike was in the back waiting in their yard and, hearing that they said it was ok, walking into the entryway of their door saying "Hello"....The guy rushed back and said sternly "Hey buddy, you're trespassing". Mike told him he was sorry and thought he was suppsed to walk through the house. Mike said it was akward. The guy wasn't totally mean, but it was weird. There was some confusion with the guy as to whether we'd bought the house or not. Mike explained that we didn't own it.

Mike met us a little put off and as we walked away from Lynn, I saw her wave and say "thanks" to the non-responsive guy.

We got into the car and guesses immediately started. Mike felt like he was just a South Philly type. I felt like they may have been hiding something -- guns? Maybe drugs, but not pot. Or maybe he was just involved on a very low level with the mafia (he certainly had the look) and was defensive becuase he's a person with something to hide. Mike and I felt like CRAP and all of the sudden, we saw a rundown park that we thought looked so cute before. It's not manicured and there are weeds growing through all the cracks. And we saw a neighborhood that felt much more South Philly than it had before. We were getting depressed.

The only way I could figure out dealing with it was to go back to the house and apologize and get a more distinct vibe of the guy. So I did.

I knocked on the door and the sweet old lady came. She rememberd my name and was saying that we must be very serious if we've been back again.
E: "I'm so sorry about what happened before. My husband didn't know and we might move in here and I want to have a good relationship"

OL: "Oh no, no. We've already forgotten about that. Don't worry. So it seems like you're very serious about the house. I hope you get it."

And from there, we had a very sweet conversation and another neighbor walked by and she was really nice too.

So we walked around the neighborhood and we met two young guys. One was artsy and had a baby Mia. The other was a total Yuppie. Both of them were walking their dogs in the dog park. They both were cool and positive, and both felt we would like it there...but neither actually lived in that neighborhood. They just came for their dogs. But it felt positive and the park is kind of dumpy, but I know we could clean it up and make a "Friends of the Park" type of thing. And I was imagining events in the park etc.

We came home and the money issue came up again. Of course my parents take this whole thing as a sign (and I did pray for a sign, but I meant before we put in an offer).

We are TOTALLY TOTALLY confused. Any response is greatly appreciated. What you write is only going to add to my list of thoughts. And if you do post a comment, please think of what you're going to write before you read other people's comments so that you're not influenced by their thoughts.
Things that are worrying me:


1. The guy next door. He wasn't friendly and he was weird. This is a row home adn that's very close quarters. Is this unsafe? Is he doing something illegal? Is he involved in the mob? I don't want to live next door to someone who could get killed. Does he have a gun business? Or, is the guy just South Philly and weird. Did he put the "lowball" bid on the house and he's a little strange about it? Don't get me wrong...he wasn't mean. Just defensive.

2. The lady across the street. We know she has a serious poker table going on and that the neighbors go. We saw it. How serious is it? Do they gamble a lot? Do people get mad? Is this unsafe?

3. Is it too South Philly. The neighborhood is still "South Philly"...but is it TOO South Philly for us? Will they resent us? Literally, they all grew up there their whole lives and are dying in these homes or passing them on to their children. Will it ever change?

4. The mortgage: Can we really get lower than this? We don't have all our eggs lined up, but based on our model of not including my income, the mortgage involves some cuts. Do we dare try to go lower? But what we've seen that's lower is either tiny or terrible. What about repairs? Can we afford them? Mike says he can get freelance, plus we have Ebay, plus we have what I'm making (even though we're not counting it), but is this wise when we want to have another baby?

Things I'm not worried about:• The house inside (feels homey)
• The style
• Feeling comfortable
• Walking Emmett around
• The backyard
• Parking
• I like the area
• The "deal"