I feel at peace

calm
Originally uploaded by elisabethie.

about the house. We went last night to check it out again, and talked to one of the neighbors. She was telling us all about the neighborhood and kind of eased our fears.Plus, she was cool (i.e. rents on the beach in Cape May). Next door to us is a punk rock band on the other side. We saw them, but I was exhausted from the hour long conversation with the other lady and I didn't feel like talking to them. We know we'll probably like them.

We also found out that the little breakfast/lunch dinnette on the end of the block is owned by a Greek which is so exciting to me.

The park is kind of run down, but they're redoing it and I will become a major pest to get them to do more. I am fully willing to do whatever it takes to get that park to look cute. But it's totally safe and it is open space.

We went to a restaurant called "August" right off the park. It was so cool -- with really good food. We feel like we found an undiscovered gem of a neighborhood and when we walked back to the car (on our block), I felt like we were going home. It felt familiar.

The only time I felt the same upset was driving back here. My parents are so disaproving, it is making insecurities arise where there aren't any. So last night, after a glowing night of excitemtn, I came home and told Mike that I felt like my excitement was makint the final decision for us and that I couldn't handle it. That I needed to not make this decision becuase I simply can't handle the stress.

I have been dealing with panic attacks (feel like I can't breathe, heart beating irregularly). I'm always about to have one, but I've learned to control my breathing so they are happening to a minimum. Poor Emmett -- I can barely concentrate on him. I'm always putting on the TV becuase I can't handle anything right now.

BUT, I feel peace, despite this.
And thank you Colin & Jessica, for going out there and scoping it out for us. You have no idea what your encouragement means to me. And also, thank you to everyone that was willing to take a risk and tell me what they really think. It's hard to give advice. There's a lot of pressure. And I really really appreciate you guys. Thanks.

AFTERTHOUGHT
I keep thinking of songs and substituting "blogging" or "blogger" in them. I had one this morning that was stuck in my mind, but I forgot it. As I was writing this, in the back of my head was "All I really need to do is find myself a brand new blogger"...