We took the tree

down, and it's finally over. In fact, we took it down yesterday. And we took the lights down, and we took the strange little decorations down. And do I dare, during these my first alone moments -- the little bit of free time I have -- write in this blog. But I have to, because even though in many ways I hate writing, I'm a person that cleans out by writing, even if what I'm writing has little to do with the issues I'm feeling.

This has been by far the most difficult Christmas I've ever experienced. Shopping for a list of 40 people, caring for a newborn, hosting my family, and still trying to make it special for Emmett (while trying to convince him that Christmas is not about gifts, but about Jesus' birth) proved to be a monumental task and one that I started the week before my baby was born. Getting "rid" of Christmas was the most exciting thing that's happened in 2 months.

During my blog silence, every single day I had at least one thought I wanted to jot down for archival sake, if nothing else. My thoughts are these quick little realizations, mostly half-baked, explainable like defining a cliche. I doubt I'll remember even 2 of them, but maybe by starting a list some will pop out.

1. Writing Thank You cards actually make me feel organized. After I receive anything or am blessed by anyone, writing the card feels more like a housecleaning.

2. Emmett's really admires Phil more than almost anyone else.

3. When Audrey is home, my personality feels complete. I feel more robust. I can only explain it in this way: When Audrey and I are hanging out (particularly in a group of people) I feel prettier, funnier, sillier and like, as a package, socializing is almost effortless.

There's some desire in me to write everything that happened this Christmas, including a list of gifts, the "hard times", my favorite parts etc. And later, these are the types of lists that are most interesting to me. But I can't do it now. At this moment, my writing is not concise and tight. I'm tired and out of tune with all this. But I better get it together soon because I have an interview with a temp company next week and I told them I can do project-based and part time work. I need to remember my other profession.